Today’s post will be solely on how I been feeling lately.
Being a single mother is hard.
I’m struggling with being a single mother. It’s the hardest thing I ever took on. I honestly feel like i’m failing at this mom thing. I didn’t sign up to be just another baby mama or single mother. Of course you thinking well didn’t you know before you got pregnant. My answer is NO! The signs weren’t there at all. I didn’t expect to be alone and raising my daughter alone. I always wanted a family and to raise my children in a two parent home, but things don’t always work out the way we planned it. It could’ve worked that way before at the time I was vulnerable to guys because I yearn for love and affection (at times I still do but I can tell when it’s not there anymore).
My daughter has now been here for 17 months. You are probably wondering how are you still struggling with it.
I get overwhelmed with things and I feel alone in the process. I don’t have anyone on my team but her. She can’t support herself yet. She still needs me. I’m stuck in middle because some of the things I want and want to do others will think i’m a bad mother.
It’s so bad that I just tell people I don’t have a babysitter because I don’t want to ask my family for help. I don’t want people to say oh you never have your baby because someone said it. They said you never spend time with your baby. They can’t see it from my view because things aren’t the same as before.
Back in June, I was working full time with only an 1 1/2 hour of sleep. An average person is suppose to get 8 hours of sleep. I signed up for this. I choose to keep her life because I laid down and made her just like he did. But I stayed. I worked to make sure she had everything she needed and what i needed.
I left working full time. I felt defeated because I didn’t want to make excuses why I couldn’t make it to work on time. what was I suppose to say? because I was tired and drained. I couldn’t say that because they don’t care about that.
Now I’m adding more to my depression because I don’t have a desire to do anything because i’m unhappy and I will be a debbie downer. I don’t want to feel like this but I do. I always want to go out and enjoy myself but I don’t want to ask for help because I don’t want to be restricted to a time frame of when to come home.
I choose to let my life revolve around my daughter because she’s the only reason I’m living now.
I’ve asked myself for guidance and understanding to
find my happiness again but where do I start?
I applaud all mothers but I especially applaud single mothers because It’s hard trying to get things done with no help.